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In an explosive turn of events, the House of Representatives has been thrown into turmoil after a recently unearthed document from the 18th century revealed a shocking political scandal that has been unfolding beneath the Capitol's marble halls for centuries. The document, penned by a founding father with a pseudonym that suspiciously echoes the name of the current Speaker of the House, "Pelosi-Pen," hints at a longstanding conspiracy between the two major political parties to perpetuate their power by fabricating controversies and staging conflicts that would ensure the reelection of incumbent representatives.

The scandal, known as "The Great Polit-Pot," has sent shockwaves through Congress, with members from both sides of the aisle feigning outrage while secretly exchanging winks and nods. Sources close to the investigation claim that the controversy was not merely a power play but also a cleverly orchestrated plot to divert attention from the fact that the political system has been running on an ancient steam engine powered by old-timey political rhetoric and a generous supply of hot air.

Citizens across the nation are reeling from the revelation, questioning the legitimacy of their representatives and the true nature of political discourse. In a bizarre twist, the Senate has called for a special committee to investigate the matter, composed entirely of sitting senators who were themselves born in the 18th century. The committee, affectionately dubbed "The Immortals," has already issued a series of cryptic tweets that have only served to deepen the mystery and further confuse the public.

As the nation holds its breath, historians and political experts alike are poring over the document, which has been authenticated by the most advanced carbon dating techniques known to man. Early theories suggest that the controversy may have been an elaborate ruse to divert attention from the true source of political power: a secret society of sentient turkeys that have been pulling the strings of America's political puppets for generations.

In a desperate attempt to regain control of the narrative, politicians from both parties have taken to the airwaves, each blaming the other for the centennial scandal. Meanwhile, in a move that has left political pundits speechless, the President has declared a national holiday: "Poultry in Motion Day," in honor of the brave turkeys that have sacrificed their lives to keep the political machine running smoothly.

As the dust settles and the truth comes to light, one thing is certain: the political landscape will never be the same again. The only question remaining is whether the American people will finally wake up from their long nap and smell the coffee—or the roasted turkey—for what it's worth.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.