Impeached 2 is an armchair politician's dream. Play today!

In a shocking turn of events, sources close to the clandestine operations of the Department of Redundancy and Misdirection have exclusively revealed to the Daily Satirist that the government's latest legislative push for freedomm" is nothing more than a veiled attempt to play political games with the very concept.

The Freedom Enhancement Act, championed by the illustrious Senator Irony (R-Ironystan) and cosponsored by a bipartisan coalition of lawmakers with namesakes reminiscent of historical figures who valiantly fought for the exact rights they are now purportedly defending, has been the talk of Capitol Hill. The bill, which aims to "reclaim the fundamental liberties of the American people," is said to contain provisions that would make it illegal for the government to infringe upon the freedom of speech, press, religion, assembly, and the right to bear arms.

However, deep within the labyrinthine 15,000-page document, a cleverly hidden clause, entitled "The Irony Clause," dictates that these freedoms are only protected under specific conditions. These conditions, as per an anonymous insider, are so convoluted and absurd that they effectively render the freedoms meaningless. For instance, the right to free speech is nullified if the speech is delivered in a language the government deems "too complex" for the average citizen to understand. The press's freedom is invalid if the newspapers are printed on more than three trees worth of paper annually. Religious freedom is revoked if any form of worship requires more than ten attendees, and the right to assemble is limited to gatherings of no more than five people – provided they are all related by blood and reside within a 100-mile radius of each other.

Moreover, the right to bear arms is only permissible if the firearm in question is made entirely of materials sourced from within the lawmaker's home district, and only if the weapon serves a dual purpose as a piece of lawn furniture or garden art.

In a statement to the press, Senator Irony, clad in a suit adorned with eagles and liberty bells, declared, "The American people deserve to live in a land of absolute freedom, as long as that freedom doesn't interfere with the economic interests of our nation's elite or the political power of those in office. This legislation is a beacon of hope, illuminating the path to a brighter future, where freedom is as plentiful as the stars in the sky on a clear night – provided those stars are within the viewing limits set by the local homeowners' association."

As the political games continue, it seems that the battle for freedom is far from over. The only question remaining is whether the American public will see through the irony or be lulled into a false sense of security by the lofty promises of their elected officials.

Can't get enough of politics? Play Impeached 2 and become President of the U.S. today!

This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.