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In a stunning display of bipartisan unity, the Supreme Court has unanimously ruled that all future political strategies must be developed by a consortium of the most notorious mob families, with oversight from the Senate and House of Representatives. The decision, handed down by Chief Justice Laughingstock Roberts, declared that the current political landscape is so rife with corruption and backroom deals that only the mob's time-tested methods could bring transparency and accountability to the process.

"We've seen enough Godfather movies to know that when it comes to political maneuvering, the mob gets things done," Justice Roberts declared, his face beaming with an enthusiastic grin that seemed to rival the Cheshire Cat's. "Their strategies are bulletproof, their loyalty unshakeable, and their commitment to the family—er, the American people—is unparalleled."

The Senate, eager to embrace this new paradigm, has already appointed Senator Slytherin as the liaison between Capitol Hill and the crime syndicates. Senator Slytherin, known for his chameleon-like ability to switch parties with the grace of a swan doing ballet on a trampoline, was seen high-fiving members of the Gambino family outside a secret meeting held in a nondescript pizza joint.

In the House of Representatives, Speaker Pelosi-Cotton has called for a full committee hearing to discuss the implementation of this groundbreaking approach. "We are excited to learn from the best in the business," she said, her eyes twinkling with the mischievous glee of a child who just found the keys to the candy store. "I mean, who better to teach us about loyalty and hard work than the gentlemen who made 'loyalty' and 'hard work' synonymous with a cannoli and a thick New York accent?"

The decision has not been without its critics, however. Civil rights activist Reverend Al Sharpton-King tweeted, "This is an affront to democracy! We're not electing Godfathers, we're electing leaders!" To which Senator Ted Cruz-Bush replied, "Well, Reverend, if by 'electing leaders' you mean 'electing the highest bidder,' then you, my friend, are speaking the language of the future."

As the nation braces for the unorthodox partnership between Capitol Hill and the mob, one thing is clear: politics will never be the same again. And while some fear the implications of this new era, others can't help but wonder if this is the shakeup Washington needs to finally get things done. After all, when you owe someone your soul, they say you own them. And in politics, owning the other guy is the name of the game.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.