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In an unprecedented turn of events, the Constitution, that venerable old parchment often relegated to history textbooks and legal debates, has found itself at the center of a heated controversy that's set the political world ablaze. It all started when a curious page boy, employed by the House of Representatives, stumbled upon a previously unnoticed section entitled "Arcane Science Division."

This hidden chapter, tucked away between the Bill of Rights and the 27th Amendment, details a series of experiments designed to "enhance the stability of the Union through the application of esoteric principles and the liberal use of alchemical transmutations." The document, penned by the Founding Fathers under the influence of a particularly potent batch of Philadelphia water, outlines a plan to use the 'Philosopher's Stone' to transmute base metals into gold, thereby solving the nation's debt woes and providing a funding windfall for future elections.

The discovery has sent shockwaves through the political establishment, with members of the House Science Committee calling for an immediate reenactment of the experiments to ensure the integrity of the nation's fiscal policy. Meanwhile, the Senate has demanded a review of the Constitution's sciencee' provisions, fearing that the true intent of the Founders was to maintain a strict separation between the realm of science and the messy business of politics.

Candidate GoldFinger, a political outsider with a penchant for ancient artifacts and a questionable grasp of modern economics, has seized upon the revelation, promising to revive the Arcane Science Division and make Constitutionnal Alchemy" the cornerstone of his economic policy. His opponent, the seasoned Senator IronClad, has dismissed the idea as "quackery" and "a direct affront to the scientific method," but not before hinting at her own secret plans to harness the power of 'Quantum Voting' to sway the election in her favor.

As the nation watches with bated breath, the Constitution's arcane science sections have not only challenged our understanding of the Founding Fathers but have also ignited a fiery controversy that threatens to reshape the very fabric of democracy. Will the political elite embrace the mystical sciences, or will they stick to the time-tested (if somewhat mundane) art of governance? Only time—and perhaps a few spells—will tell.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.