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In a stunning turn of events that has left economists and political pundits alike scratching their heads in disbelief, the United States Supreme Court has ruled that the federal government cannot legally regulate the economy. The decision, which came as a shock to many, was made in response to a piece of landmark legislation proposed by the charismatic and visionary President Fiscalwise.

The legislation, known as the "Economic Empowerment and Stability Act" (EESA), aimed to bring about a new era of fiscal responsibility and economic stability. It included a wide array of measures, from inflation control to tax reform, all designed to put the American economy back on track. However, in a move that has been described as both audacious and outlandish, the Supreme Court's conservative majority declared that such sweeping economic powers were never granted to the federal government by the Constitution.

In a scathing dissent, Justice Economicus, a renowned advocate for government intervention in the economy, accused her colleagues on the bench of engaging in an "economic coup." She argued that the Court's decision would lead to a "free-for-all" where corporations could do as they please without any oversight, potentially leading to unprecedented levels of economic inequality and instability.

Supporters of the decision, including the infamous lobbyist Dollar Bill, hailed the ruling as a "triumph for liberty and the free market." He claimed that the Court had saved the nation from the clutches of "big government" and had paved the way for an era of unbridled entrepreneurship and innovation.

The President, whose popularity had been on a steady decline due to the economic legislation's initial reception, faced a new wave of criticism for even attempting to pass such a far-reaching law. Critics from both sides of the aisle accused him of overreach and ignorance of the Constitution.

Meanwhile, on Wall Street, the reaction was a mix of jubilation and panic. Investors cheered the prospect of deregulation, while economists warned of the potential for market volatility and financial crises. The head of the Federal Reserve, Dr. Interestrate, was seen pacing the halls of his office late into the night, grappling with the implications of the Court's ruling on monetary policy.

As the nation braces for the fallout from the Supreme Court's decision, one thing is clear: the future of the American economy is now in the hands of the market, with a little help from the judges in robes. Whether this will lead to a utopia of economic freedom or a dystopia of economic chaos remains to be seen. But one thing is certain: the next few years will be a wild ride for American prosperity.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.