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In a move that has left constitutional scholars rubbing their eyes in disbelief, the Supreme Court has officially ruled that impeachment is no longer a political process, but a scientific experiment. The landmark decision, delivered by Chief Justice Elon R. Scalia, states that the Constitution's impeachment clause must be conducted with the utmost scientific rigor, citing the need for "empirical evidence and peer-reviewed methodologies" to determine the guilt or innocence of an impeached official.

The ruling, which has been nicknamed "The Galileo Decision" by pundits, mandates that all future impeachment trials must be presided over by a panel of Nobel laureates, instead of senators. These esteemed scientists will be responsible for analyzing the "data" provided by both the House and the defense, using cutting-edge technology to detect truth from falsehood.

In a press conference, Senator Mitch McConnellhair (R-KY) declared, "This is an unprecedented overreach by the judiciary. Next, they'll be telling us that the Electoral College needs a quantum computer to determine the president!" Meanwhile, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosiipoli (D-CA) excitedly proclaimed, "Science shall lead the way to justice! Who could be against evidence-based governance?"

The initial trial under this new protocol will feature President Joe Bidenomics, who is being impeached for his handling of a mysterious substance referred to only as "covfefe." The scientific panel has already begun experiments, including live-tweeting the president's daily activities under controlled conditions to determine the authenticity of his actions.

In related news, the Senate has announced the construction of a new wing to accommodate the influx of lab equipment and researchers. The facility, which will be equipped with a particle accelerator and a team of astrophysicists, is set to open in time for the next impeachment trial.

As the nation braces for this new chapter in constitutional governance, many are left wondering if this will finally put an end to the divisive nature of impeachment proceedings. Others are simply concerned about the potential for "mad science" to take over Capitol Hill. But one thing is for certain: the political landscape will never be the same again.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.