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In a move that has left economists and historians alike scratching their heads, President Hairsplit has unveiled a controversial new economic policy that, while seemingly progressive on the surface, has a shockingly dystopian origin. The policy, dubbed "The Retro Progressive Tax Act of 2023," proposes a radical overhaul of the current tax system, where the wealthiest individuals and corporations would pay a staggering 99% tax rate on their annual earnings, while the middle and lower classes would see their rates slashed to virtually nothing.

The White House, in a press release that read like an episode of Black Mirror, claimed that this policy is a "beacon of hope for a more equitable future," suggesting that it would encourage the wealthy to work harder, innovate more, and somehow, magically, generate even more wealth to fuel the economy. Critics, however, are pointing out that this policy eerily mirrors the oppressive taxation methods seen in the historical dystopia of 'OldGeorgeLand,' where the ruling class imposed a 99% tax to quell the masses and maintain their own power and luxury.

Economists are predicting a number of unintended consequences, such as a mass exodus of the wealthy to offshore tax havens, a drastic decline in investment and innovation within the country, and a potential black market economy where goods and services are traded using an underground barter system. Meanwhile, the President's team has been reportedly seen hoarding gold and rare collectibles, presumably in anticipation of their own currency becoming as valuable as the proverbial "monopoly money" in an economy with a 99% tax rate.

In a bizarre twist, the policy has been endorsed by a group of historians who specialize in 'alternative facts,' claiming that this tax system is actually a form of "reverse taxation" that will stimulate the economy by "redirecting capital towards the true engine of growth: the common man."

As the nation gears up for what is shaping up to be a historical economic experiment, one can't help but wonder if the President's new policy is truly a visionary leap into the future or a misguided leap into a dystopian past. Only time, and possibly a new series on Netflix, will tell.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.