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In a shocking turn of events, sources close to the impeached President Dystopian One-Eyed Jack have revealed that the concept of freedom itself has been inadvertently caught in the crossfire of his desperate attempts to remain in office. It seems that in his quest to maintain power, the President has inadvertently treated the sacred principle of freedom as nothing more than a bargaining chip in a high-stakes game of political chess.

According to our deeply embedded mole, codenamed "Patriot," the President's strategy involved a cunning plan to frame freedom as a divisive issue, pitting Americans against one another in a battle over a concept they all claim to cherish. By stoking the flames of controversy and confusion, the President aimed to distract from his own impeachment troubles and solidify his base with a rallying cry of "True Freedom" – a phrase that, ironically, was to be defined and redefined at his whim.

The plot was ingenious in its simplicity. Freedom, once the cornerstone of American society, was to be rebranded as a political football, passed back and forth between the parties as a means to score points with the electorate. Congress, in turn, found itself entangled in a bizarre debate over the definition of freedom, with members on both sides of the aisle struggling to hold onto the concept as if it were a life raft in the stormy seas of modern politics.

As the nation watches in stunned silence, the implications of this development are grave. If the President's gambit is successful, freedom could cease to be a universal value and instead become a pawn in the game of political power. The very essence of what it means to be American could be reduced to slogans and sound bites, with the true meaning of liberty lost in the shuffle.

In a rare joint statement, political commentators across the spectrum have denounced the President's tactics, calling for unity and a return to the principles that have guided the nation since its inception. "Freedom is not a political tool," one prominent commentator stated. "It is the bedrock upon which our Republic stands, and it must be protected from those who seek to exploit it for their own ends."

As the dust settles and the nation grapples with this unsettling revelation, one thing is clear: the future of freedom itself hangs in the balance, and the actions of Congress in the coming weeks will determine whether the principles upon which America was founded will remain intact, or if they will be sacrificed on the altar of political expediency. Stay tuned.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.