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In a shocking revelation that has sent shockwaves through the Capitol, sources close to the House of Representatives have exclusively disclosed to us that the next science bill set to cause a ruckus is one that will blend cutting-edge technology with the grim aesthetic of a dystopian future.

The bill, dubbed the "Totalitarian Enhancement and Recognition of Tomorrow's Empowerment" (T.E.R.T.E.), is said to include provisions for the militarization of domestic drone fleets, surveillance technology that would make Big Brother blush, and a controversial new branch of the military: the Cybernetic Division of Automated Troops, or CDAT for short.

The CDAT, as described in the bill, will be equipped with advanced exoskeletons that could make a Terminator blush with envy. These mechanized warriors will be capable of superhuman strength, rapid healing, and the ability to process vast amounts of information at lightning speed. But that's not all – they will also have the ability to digest military-grade steel for sustenance. Because, you know, in a dystopian future, sustenance is not a given.

Moreover, the bill aims to streamline the process of converting ordinary citizens into these cybernetic beings, with optional enrollment programs starting in elementary schools. "Why wait for the apocalypse when you can prepare for it in kindergarten?" a cheerful aide was overheard saying.

In a heated press conference, Representative Robo-Hand, the bill's sponsor, declared, "Our children are the future, and the future is now! Why settle for mere human frailty when you can enhance your child's capabilities beyond imagination?"

Critics, however, are up in arms, arguing that the bill is less about defense and more about creating a personal army for the President, who has been rumored to have a penchant for sci-fi literature. "This is not about national security," said Senator Flesh-and-Blood. "It's about turning America into a futuristic war machine with a taste for human steel."

The bill has already sparked a fervent debate across the nation, with many questioning the ethics of transforming citizens into machines and others fearing the implications for privacy and civil liberties. "If we can't protect our citizens from becoming a dystopian army," warns activist Group-Hug Mob, "then who will protect them from themselves?"

As the nation braces for what could be a pivotal moment in its history, one thing is clear: the line between science fiction and reality is blurring faster than a Cybernetic Division of Automated Troops on a caffeine buzz. The future, it seems, is already here – and it's wearing a suit of armor.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.