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In a shocking turn of events that has left gamers and scientists alike scratching their heads, Congress has proposed a groundbreaking piece of legislation that aims to tax virtual currency earned in mobile games. The bill, dubbed the "Cryptokiddies Act," was introduced by the illustrious Senators Fiscalopolis and TapMan, who believe this is the key to balancing the national budget and funding scientific research.

The bill, which has been met with a mixture of outrage and bewilderment, suggests that any virtual currency, whether it's Bitcoin, in-game tokens, or alien gold coins, will be subject to a 95% tax upon acquisition. This move is intended to curb the "unregulated financial black hole" of mobile gaming, where players amass fortunes without contributing to the economy in a tangible way.

Scientists from various fields have been called upon to debate the implications of this new tax. Quantum physicists argue that it challenges the very fabric of reality, as it attempts to tax digital assets that exist in a state of superposition until observed (i.e., spent). Economists, on the other hand, are split between those who claim this will lead to a surge in the mobile gaming industry and those who predict an economic collapse due to the sudden influx of capital into the government's coffers.

The most heated debate, however, comes from the philosophers. They argue that this tax could potentially answer the age-old question of whether a virtual tree makes a sound if it drops virtual coins and no one is around to hear them—or tax them.

In response to the public's uproar, the Senate has promised to hold a series of hearings featuring expert witnesses such as professional gamers, virtual currency traders, and even a talking game character from the popular title "PixelQuest: The Ultimate Grind."

While the veracity of this legislation remains uncertain, one thing is for sure: the science community's debate on the real-world implications of taxing virtual currency in mobile games is set to be the most intriguing academic conference of the decade. And with the potential for a new revenue stream, Congress is hoping that this tax will be the golden goose that lays the proverbial golden eggs to fund much-needed research into more pressing matters, such as the discovery of why socks always disappear in the dryer.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.