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In a bold move that has sent shockwaves through the hallowed halls of Capitol Hill, President CheeseWhiz III unveiled the United States' post-pandemic economic blueprint, which he claims is the most "forward-thinking" legislative initiative since the invention of the wheel. Dubbed the "EconoFuture Act," this bill promises to usher in a new era of fiscal responsibility, job creation, and, most notably, the introduction of the nation's first officially recognized economic sector: Professional Procrastination.

The EconoFuture Act, with bipartisan support from the likes of Senators GravyTrain Johnson and PorkBelly Sanders, aims to revitalize the American economy by capitalizing on the nation's unparalleled expertise in putting things off. The legislation proposes the creation of a Procrastination Bureau, tasked with not only maintaining a national database of procrastinated tasks but also incentivizing businesses and individuals to prioritize delaying deadlines as a cornerstone of economic growth.

In a fiery press conference, President CheeseWhiz III proclaimed, "We are no longer just a nation of doers. We are a nation of 'I'll get to that tommorrows.' It's time we embrace our innate talent for deferment and turn it into a powerhouse industry."

Key provisions of the EconoFuture Act include:

1. **The Procrastination Stimulus Package**: A $2.5 trillion investment in delayed gratification, which will fund projects that are, in the president's words, "just too big to tackle right now."

2. **The Tomorrow Fund**: A new retirement program that rewards Americans for postponing financial security until, well, tomorrow.

3. **The Innovative Stalling Initiative (ISI)**: A program designed to teach the art of stalling to U.S. entrepreneurs, ensuring that America leads the world in the art of "I'll get back to you."

4. **The National Punt Day**: A federal holiday dedicated to putting off all obligations, celebrating the art of the kick-down-the-road.

Critics of the EconoFuture Act have expressed skepticism, with economist JerkChicken Roth saying, "This plan is as sound as a screen door on a submarine. We're gambling our economic future on the notion that we can build a prosperous nation on the foundation of 'later.' I, for one, am not holding my breath."

Despite the naysayers, President CheeseWhiz III remains undeterred. "Naysayers are just people who are bad at procrastinating," he quipped, his administration already hard at work on the legislative equivalent of a "Please ignore until" notice.

As the EconoFuture Act makes its way through Congress, Americans across the nation are being encouraged to embrace their inner procrastinators and imagine a future where putting things off is not just a personal flaw, but the cornerstone of America's economic strategy. It's a brave new world where the American Dream is deferred, and the only deadline that matters is the one that's out of sight, out of mind.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.