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In a staggering turn of events that has sent shockwaves through the corridors of power, a team of rogue scientists claims to have developed a new form of 'Peace-Energy.' This energy, harnessed from the collective sighs of relief from military veterans, is said to be infinitely renewable and significantly cheaper than the fossil fuels currently funding America's war efforts.

The discovery was presented to the House of Representatives by the esteemed Dr. Harriet Sigh, a physicist whose previous work involved studying the acoustic properties of World War II whistleblowers. Dr. Sigh, sporting a lab coat adorned with peace symbols, unveiled her groundbreaking invention: the 'Sigh-Reactor,' a device capable of converting the audible exhalations of ex-service members into an energy source powerful enough to power cities.

The revelation has sparked a firestorm of debate within the House, with representatives from the 'Bipartisan Alliance for Perpetual Warfare' (BAPW) calling the invention a 'hoax' and science-science.' Representative John 'Shell-Out' Dollarbills, a staunch advocate for defense spending, slammed the scientific community, stating, "If we allow this 'Peace-Energy' to become mainstream, our military-industrial complex will collapse faster than a house of cards in a hurricane!"

On the other side of the aisle, a group of 'Defund the War Machine' representatives led by Congresswoman Greeny Horns immediately called for a vote to redirect the nation's war budget into research and development of the new energy source. "This is a golden opportunity for us to redirect our resources and invest in a future that doesn't require us to keep borrowing money from the Chinese to wage endless wars," she declared.

Meanwhile, Wall Street financiers, who have long profited from the arms trade, have reportedly begun a smear campaign against Dr. Sigh, questioning her funding sources and accusing her of being a 'puppet of the peace lobby.' Analysts at 'Finance for Global Dominance' (FGD) have warned that the shift to 'Peace-Energy' could lead to a 'severe downturn in the weapons market' and 'devastating layoffs in defense sectors across the nation.'

As the controversy continues to unfold, Americans are left to ponder the implications of this discovery. Will 'Peace-Energy' lead to a new era of prosperity and international cooperation, or will it ignite a power struggle unlike any the world has ever seen? Only time will tell, but one thing is certain: the future is looking incredibly bright, and it's coming from the exhales of our nations' veterans.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.