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In a stunning turn of events that has left the nation both in stitches and in disbelief, President Wentworth Whistler has become the first-ever impeached leader to simultaneously run a successful comedy tour and a chain of pancake houses. The impeachment, which has divided the nation more than any event since the Great Toaster Struggle of 1984, was initiated after Whistler's controversial decision to pardon a turkey on Thanksgiving by naming it his Chief Strategic Advisor.

The Senate, a body known for its stoic and often somber proceedings, found itself in the unusual position of being upstaged by Whistler's comedic antics. During a particularly heated debate, Whistler, draped in a cloak adorned with Senateturned-Senate-resolutions, interrupted proceedings to perform a stand-up routine that had both his peers and the watching public in hysterics. He quipped, "I'm not just making pancakes; I'm flipping the script on Congressent!"

Congress, meanwhile, has been in a state of uproar, with lawmakers on both sides of the aisle struggling to decide whether to applaud Whistler's innovative approach to governance or to maintain their solemn duty to uphold the Constitution. The Speaker of the House, a figure often compared to a well-seasoned politician with the charisma of a wet dishrag, called an emergency meeting to discuss whether laughter could be considered a legitimate form of political opposition.

In a bizarre twist, Whistler's pancake houses have seen a surge in customers, with diners flocking to catch a glimpse of the impeached president flipping pancakes and serving up puns alongside his famous flapjacks. The chain, now rebranded as "Whistler's Whimsy Waffles," has become a pilgrimage site for those seeking a taste of political history served with a side of syrup.

As the nation grapples with this unprecedented situation, political analysts and satirical columnists alike are struggling to keep up with the fast-paced developments. The only certainty is that the story of President Wentworth Whistler's impeachment has become a national saga that blurs the lines between political drama and sitcom.

In the end, the impeachment saga has not only divided the country but has also given a whole new meaning to the term "political satire." As Whistler continues to juggle his roles as a comedian, pancake mogul, and impeached president, Americans everywhere are left to wonder if this is, in fact, the new normal or just another one of his jokes.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.