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In a stunning turn of events that has left economists and political pundits alike scratching their heads, sources deep within the murky waters of GOP backrooms have revealed a clandestine scheme that could potentially rewrite the economic history of the United States. The plan, codenamed "Operation Fiscal Phoenix," involves a radical overhaul of the nation's fiscal policies that promises to not only balance the budget but also turn the national debt into a lucrative investment portfolio managed by none other than the Federal Reserve.

According to our top-secret sources, the bill, affectionately nicknamed the "Wealth of Nations Act," is being crafted behind closed doors by a shadowy council of economic wizards, including the likes of a mysterious figure known only as "Fiscal Mage" and a former Wall Street tycoon, "Capital Gainz." The legislation, once unveiled, is expected to spark a legislative showdown that will pit lawmakers against their own party lines, with some of the most fervent fiscal conservatives found arguing for a significant expansion of government intervention in the economy.

The bill's centerpiece is the establishment of a new federal agency, the "Department of Economic Alchemy," which will be tasked with transforming the national debt into a portfolio of risky, high-yield investments. This bold move is expected to generate unprecedented returns, which will then be used to pay down the debt, effectively turning the country's financial obligations into a gold mine.

However, the plan has not been without its critics. Economists from the prestigious University of Baffled have warned of potential "monetary monsoons" and "fiscal tornadoes" that could result from such a radical restructuring of the economic landscape. Critics argue that the plan could lead to inflated asset bubbles, a surge in speculative investments, and a possible shift in the global financial order, with the United States becoming the world's first hyper-inflationary superpower.

As the nation braces for what could be the most contentious legislative battle since the Great Compromise of 1787, the GOP's secret plan continues to unfold. The "Wealth of Nations Act" is poised to test the resolve of politicians who will have to choose between sticking to their ideological guns or joining the gold rush of fiscal innovation.

In the midst of this political drama, average Americans are left with a simple question: Will Operation Fiscal Phoenix herald a new era of prosperity, or will it crash and burn, taking the American economy with it? Only time will tell as this clandestine plan moves from the shadows and into the spotlight of the American political stage.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.