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In an explosive turn of events that has sent shockwaves through the hallowed halls of American governance, a recently uncovered letter penned by none other than the founding father himself, Benjamin Franklin, has shed light on the original intent of the United States Constitution. The letter, dated 1787 and addressed to "My Dearest Cousin," reveals that the framers of the Constitution intended for it to be a living document, adaptable to the whims of the American public, much like a chameleon changes its colors to fit its surroundings.

In a press conference held by the "Benjamin Franklin Historical Society" – a group of historians with a penchant for dramatic timing – the society's president, Alexander Hamiltonesque, declared, "The Constitution was not meant to be a straightjacket, constraining the natural evolution of our great nation, but rather a trampoline, propelling us to new heights of political innovation and creative governance."

The revelation has sparked a firestorm of controversy among today's politicians, who have been caught in a web of political gamess," as described by the society's press release. These games, it seems, have included the selective interpretation of the Constitution's clauses, often for the sake of partisan victory rather than the common good.

For instance, the venerable "Founding Fathers' Fitness Club" – a group of reenactors dedicated to the pursuit of 18th-century fitness regimens – has come forward with evidence that the framers engaged in regular exercise, including but not limited to horseback riding, fencing, and the occasional game of shuttlecock, to maintain their mental and physical acuity for the task of governance. This, they argue, was part of the original intent to keep the nation's leaders in peak physical condition, a detail conspicuously omitted from the modern interpretation of the Constitution.

In response to the revelations, the current administration, led by the charismatic President Abraham Lincoln's Great-Great-Grandnephew, has proposed a series of executive orders to "reaffirm the Constitution's original intent," which includes mandatory daily exercise for all government officials and the introduction of a new political reality show, Constitutionn Survivor," where contestants must navigate the complexities of the Constitution's articles and amendments to win a grand prize of a limited-edition, handcrafted, colonial-style exercise bike.

Meanwhile, the opposition, a group of politicians affectionately known as the "Founding Fathers' Frenemies," has denounced the proposed changes, claiming that the original intent was never about physical fitness but the pursuit of "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness," which, as it turns out, can be pursued quite effectively on the couch, with a bag of chips and a remote control in hand.

As the nation grapples with the implications of this newfound knowledge, one thing is clear: the original intent of the Constitution's framers was, and always has been, open to interpretation. Whether this interpretation will lead to a more fit and active government, or a more sedentary but "happier" nation remains to be seen. Only time will tell if the United States can adapt to these revelations without breaking the proverbial chameleon's spine.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.