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In an unprecedented turn of events, the United States finds itself on the brink of a constitutional crisis as the House and Senate engage in a full-blown war of words over a proposed amendment that would require all legislators to vote in accordance with their zodiac signs. The controversy erupted after a mysterious figure, known only as Astrolobby Pete, emerged from the shadows of Capitol Hill, wielding a ancient scroll inscribed with the stars' decrees.

The proposed amendment, officially titled "The Zodiac-Centric Voting Act," has sent shockwaves through the political landscape, with astrologers and lawmakers alike debating the merits and pitfalls of such a radical shift in governance. Proponents argue that this new system would finally bring transparency and harmony to the legislative process, claiming that astrological signs are a "universal truth" that transcends partisan bickering.

"The stars have aligned to reveal the path to a more perfect union," Astrolobby Pete declared from the steps of the Capitol, his voice echoing through the marble halls. "Let the constellations guide our leaders, and peace and prosperity shall reign supreme!"

However, the proposal has been met with fierce opposition from both the House and Senate, with members from both sides of the aisle uniting in a rare display of bipartisan agreement to condemn the idea. "This is not the America our Founding Fathers envisioned," thundered Senator Starlight Graham, a staunch opponent of the amendment and a self-proclaimed Virgo who prides herself on her meticulous, detail-oriented approach to legislation. "We are a nation of laws, not astrology!"

The debate has reached fever pitch, with astrological debates becoming the new norm on the floor of both chambers. Legislators are now found poring over cosmic charts instead of bills, engaging in heated debates over the influence of Jupiter and Saturn on fiscal policy, and drafting amendments to the Constitution that would codify the role of the moon signs in foreign relations.

As the nation watches in stunned silence, the House and Senate stand on the precipice of a constitutional showdown, with both sides digging in their heels and the future of American governance hanging in the balance. One thing is clear: the United States has never been more united... in its collective confusion over what the heck is happening.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.