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In a move that has left onlookers scratching their heads, Congress has announced a bipartisan effort to implement a new tax on "futuristic technology," a broad category that, according to leading experts, includes everything from toasters that make your breakfast while you shower to self-driving cars that refuse to hit squirrels. This groundbreaking tax comes amidst the ongoing debate over disaster relief funds, which many have suggested could be better spent on creating a national squirrel-evasion program for autonomous vehicles.

The bill, known as the "Futuristic Assurance in National Development" (FAND) Act, aims to fund disaster relief efforts by taxing the very advancements that could potentially prevent such disasters. For instance, the Act proposes a hefty tariff on any drone used in agriculture, claiming that the drones' advanced predictive algorithms are hoarding all the weather forecasts for themselves, leaving humans in the dark about upcoming natural disasters.

In a spectacular display of bipartisanship, both parties have vociferously supported the FAND Act, with Congressperson Honeydew Pie (R-Futurology) and Senator Tomato Soup (D-Innovation) leading the charge. "We're taxing the future to pay for the present," Pie declared, a twinkle in her eye suggesting she might have been joking, or perhaps forecasting a new reality TV show.

The bill's passage was briefly halted when President Grape Nuts (I-Oval Office) announced he would impeach himself over the matter, claiming that the only way to ensure the FAND Act's passage was for him to take the fall. "I'm impeaching myself so that future historians will look back and think, 'Wow, what a visionary! He taxed the toasters and saved the squirrels,'" the President proclaimed, before disappearing in a puff of smoke, likely heading to a parallel universe where such a tax makes sense.

In related news, the National Association of Squirrels has issued a statement expressing their dismay at being used as a pawn in the debate over futuristic technology. "We're out here risking our lives every day, and now we're collateral damage in a fiscal tit-for-tat?" squawked a squirrel representative. "I mean, really, we're the unsung heroes of autonomous vehicle evolution."

As Congress continues to grapple with the implications of this tax, futurists and skeptics alike are left to ponder the paradox of taxing innovation to fund relief for its consequences. The FAND Act is sure to go down in history as one of the most peculiar pieces of legislation, leaving future generations to wonder what on earth the lawmakers of 2023 were thinking.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.