Impeached 2 is an armchair politician's dream. Play today!

In a breathtaking twist of events that has left constitutional scholars and freedom-loving Americans alike quivering in their Founding Fathers' wigs, scientists have developed a groundbreaking new technology that can predict the future with 99.99% accuracy. This "Temporal Prediction Device" (TPD), as it has been humorously dubbed by skeptical pundits, has sparked an intense debate across the nation, with fears that it could potentially render the Constitution obsolete.

The TPD, unveiled at a glitzy press conference in the grand auditorium of the "Institute for Tomorrow's Yesterdays," promises to reveal the outcomes of any given action, from the mundane (like whether to bring an umbrella) to the monumental (such as the results of a presidential election 15 years in advance). The implications are staggering, with some experts warning that this technology could lead to a society where free will is an antiquated concept, and every decision is made based on the ultimate outcome it ensures.

In response to this existential threat to the land of the free and the home of the brave, both the House of Representatives and the Senate have convened emergency sessions to discuss the "Future Prediction Accountability and Control Act." The proposed legislation, which has been met with both applause and trepidation, aims to regulate the use of the TPD and protect the sacred rights enshrined in the Constitution. However, the exact nature of the bill's provisions has become a closely guarded secret, with leaks suggesting that it may include provisions for time travel to prevent or facilitate future events based on the whims of a newly created "Time Ethics Committee."

In an effort to calm the public, President Betsy Blue-Ribbon assured the nation that the administration is "committed to upholding the principles of freedom and liberty, even as we navigate this unprecedented paradigm shift." Meanwhile, political cartoonists are having a field day, depicting the TPD as a double-edged sword that either frees us from the tyranny of uncertainty or dooms us to a predetermined existence devoid of true choice.

As the nation grapples with the TPD's implications, the Supreme Court has agreed to hear a case that could determine the fate of free will in America. The court's decision, expected to be delivered at some indeterminate point in the future (thanks to the TPD), will either affirm our right to act spontaneously or pave the way for a new era of predestined governance.

In the meantime, Americans are urged to reflect on the value of unpredictability and the beauty of a life lived in the moment, while also considering which candidate, if any, they should vote for in the next election, based on the latest TPD predictions. After all, who wouldn't want to know that their choice for president will definitely save them from a dystopian future, or lead them straight into it?

Can't get enough of politics? Play Impeached 2 and become President of the U.S. today!

This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.