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In a move that has sent shockwaves through the political landscape, the esteemed and venerable legislator, Senator Bipartisan-Jones, has proposed groundbreaking legislation that promises to either heal the nation's deep political divides or, as critics claim, fan the flames of an impending civil war. The "Unifying National Accord and Bipartisan Support Act" (UNABASA) aims to mandate that every piece of legislation passed must receive unanimous consent from both sides of the aisle.

Critics of the bill, primarily from the Democratic side, argue that the measure is a thinly veiled attempt to gridlock the government and ensure that no progressive legislation ever sees the light of day. "This is a power grab," exclaimed Congresswoman Progressive-Pundit, her voice quivering with indignation. "It's an attempt to silence the voices of the majority who have voted for change. We cannot let this stand."

On the other hand, supporters of the bill, mostly from the Republican camp, hail it as a beacon of hope for a nation torn apart by partisan bickering. "This is the only way warward," declared Senator Unifier-McMillan, his voice echoing with the conviction of a man who has seen the future and it is bipartisan. "Only through unity and shared agreement can we truly represent the will of the people."

The controversy reached a fever pitch when it was revealed that the bill was crafted in secret collaboration between a group of rogue lobbyists and an anonymous internet troll, known only by their handle, "BipartisanBuddy420." The troll's motives remain a mystery, but their influence has undeniably shaped the course of political history.

As the nation braces for what many are calling "The Battle of Capitol Hill," the prospect of a legislative stalemate looms large. The Democrats, led by the charismatic and fiery Speaker Controversy-Chaser, have vowed to fight the bill with every tool at their disposal, including the impeachment of any senator who dares to vote in favor of it. "We will not let this stand," Speaker Controversy-Chaser declared, her eyes alight with the fire of a thousand Twitter wars.

Meanwhile, President Fair-and-Balanced, who was impeached last year only to be reinstated by a Supreme Court ruling, has called for a moment of bipartisan prayer and reflection, urging both parties to "come together in the spirit of unity and common purpose."

As the political landscape burns with the fires of debate and discord, only time will tell if Senator Bipartisan-Jones' vision of a unified nation will come to fruition or if this is merely a calculated ploy to maintain the status quo of power and privilege. One thing is for certain: the next few months will be nothing short of a political spectacle, with implications that could redefine the future of American governance.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.