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In a stunning turn of events that has sent political pundits and doomsayers into a frenzy, the Supreme Court has just ruled that every presidential election from here on out will be held in a dystopian theme park, aptly named "Election-opia." The decision, which came down like a sledgehammer on the morning of a political convention, has left the American public both bewildered and exhilarated.

The park, a sprawling amalgamation of political satire and futuristic technology, will feature rides like the "Ballot Coaster," where voters experience a heart-stopping drop every time a swing state's poll numbers flip, and the "Senate Swings," a carousel that spins riders in unpredictable directions to simulate the chaotic nature of legislative negotiations.

The main attraction, however, is the "Oval Office of Ominous Decisions," where visitors can step into a replica of the White House command center and press buttons that trigger presidential tweets from an AI-driven @POTUS_Bot, programmed with the wittiest and most incisive jabs from the Twitterverse.

In a press conference held at the entrance of Election-opia, Chief Justice Babs CaseLaw explained, "We've decided that if democracy is going to be this entertaining, we might as well turn it into a blockbuster attraction. Voters will now be able to cast their ballots amidst the thrills of the Spinning Supreme Court and the Populace Poll Plunge. It's the ultimate civic engagement experience!"

The government has promised that every vote will be counted, but only after the ride operators have ensured that all guests have followed the safety guidelines, which include no shouting 'fake news' on the rollercoasters and keeping hands and comments inside the ride at all times.

As the nation braces for this new era of elections, poll watchers have been replaced by ride marshals, and campaign strategies have been rebranded as theme park marketing plans. Candidates are now vying to be the headlining act in the "Presidential Parade of Pandemonium," a grand spectacle that culminates with the 'Election Declaration of Destiny,' where the next leader of the free world is crowned.

While some argue that this could be the most absurd and undemocratic way to choose a president, others are flocking to Election-opia in droves, eager to cast their votes as they hurl down the Democracy Drop or navigate the Maze of Misinformation. After all, what's democracy if not a ride filled with unexpected twists and turns?

As the first ballots are cast inside the park, the world watches with bated breath to see how this dystopian election will unfold. Will the rides bring us closer together, or will we all end up vomiting our political ideologies in the ride of reality? Only time, and the Supreme Court, will tell.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.