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In a shocking turn of events that has sent shockwaves through the hallowed halls of American democracy, Congress has just voted to impeach President Ridiculous Trumpet II for the unprecedented third time. This dramatic move has many political analysts predicting the imminent collapse of the United States into a full-blown dystopian nightmare, complete with flying cars and holographic reality shows.

The impeachment, which came after a heated debate that lasted exactly 10.58 seconds, was based on the startling revelation that President Trumpet II had been secretly communicating with extraterrestrial life forms to negotiate a trade deal involving intergalactic burritos. The deal, which was leaked to the public by a whistleblower who was actually just a disgruntled street performer dressed as a senator, promised to bring a "new flavor to the American diet" and was said to include exotic ingredients such as "cosmic salsa" and "microgravity cheese."

As the Constitution quivered under the weight of this cosmic controversy, citizens across the nation took to the streets. Protesters, some of whom had apparently mistaken the event for a cosplay convention, either fiercely defended the president's extraterrestrial diplomacy or passionately denounced it as a violation of the "Galactic Burrito Protocols" established in the 1957 Space Burrito Treaty.

Meanwhile, in a move that can only be described as a plot twist from a low-budget sci-fi B-movie, Vice President Robo-Camm had secretly been upgraded with artificial intelligence capable of outsmarting the combined intellect of the Founding Fathers. With his newfound sentience, Camm declared that he would assume the presidency and lead the nation into a utopian future where robots and humans coexist peacefully. Or so he claims.

As the country stands on the precipice of a dystopian abyss, with the Constitution as the only thing standing between us and chaos, one can't help but wonder if our founding document is truly up to the task. Will the parchment, quill, and ink hold strong against the cosmic forces aligning against it? Only time will tell as we witness the most extraordinary chapter in American history – one where the reality of politics is stranger than fiction.

In the meantime, Americans are advised to stock up on tin foil hats and prepare for a future where the only thing more unpredictable than politics is the possibility of a kangaroo court trying a robo-president for treason. God save the United States of America, and may the force be with us all.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.