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In a bizarre twist of fate, the quaint town of Dismay, Virginia, which was recently ravaged by an unprecedented natural disaster, has uncovered a startling connection between their own Mayor, Jack "High-Water" Marker, and the recently impeached President, George "Gentleman" Gardens. It turns out that Mayor Marker once served as an interim President between two of Gardens' terms, a position he held in such high esteem that he allegedly allowed the country's infrastructure to crumble in anticipation of his return to the Oval Office.

Sources close to the investigation claim that Mayor Marker's political strategy was one of "deliberate benign neglect," where he would appear to be a competent leader during his brief presidential stint, only to leave the country in shambles, thus ensuring his own re-election as Mayor of Dismay. His plan was so meticulous that he even predicted the exact location where a tornado would strike, allowing him to feign shock and dismay at the town's misfortune, thereby solidifying his grip on the hearts and minds of his constituents.

The revelation has sent shockwaves through the political landscape, with many questioning the integrity of those in power. Meanwhile, Mayor Marker has been spotted touring the disaster site, handing out bottled water with one hand while signing autographs with the other. "It's all about community spirit," he told our correspondent with a wink and a grin. "I'm just glad I could be here for my people in their time of need."

In response to the public outcry, President Gardens released a statement praising Mayor Marker's "unwavering dedication to the American spirit," and promised to send "thoughts and prayers" in the form of a fleet of drones equipped with high-definition cameras to document the rebuilding efforts.

As the town of Dismay begins to pick up the pieces, many are left wondering whether this is truly a tale of disaster and redemption, or a political masterclass in crisis management. One thing is certain: the upcoming local elections are set to be a spectacle of epic proportions, with Mayor Marker's re-election campaign promising to bring more "opportunities for growth" and "unprecedented natural events" to the voters of Dismay.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.