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In a stunning turn of events that has left the nation both bewildered and slightly terrified, the Democratic Party has unveiled a radical new economic plan that promises to avert the impending dystopian disaster that scientists have been warning us about since the invention of the crystal ball. The plan, which has been dubbed "Econo-Magic," is grounded in the uncharted and highly controversial field of "Science."

The proposal, detailed in a lavishly illustrated manifesto, suggests that by harnessing the mysterious and previously untapped power of "mathematics" and "statistical models," the party aims to conjure an economy that is not only stable but also capable of predicting and preventing natural disasters. The plan outlines a series of bizarre and complex rituals involving charts, graphs, and a mysterious device known only as the "Calculator of Fate."

In a press conference held at an undisclosed location (rumored to be a secret underground bunker filled with whiteboards and supercomputers), the lead scientist and co-author of the plan, Professor Einsteinface IV, explained that the key to preventing the looming dystopia is to "engage in a series of calculations so complex, they will literally bend the fabric of reality to our will."

Critics have been quick to point out that such a plan is not only scientifically unfounded but also potentially dangerous, as it may lead to the unleashing of an uncontrollable force that could either result in the utopia the Democrats dream of or the exact dystopia they are trying to avoid.

Meanwhile, the Republican Party has responded with a statement that reads, "We have our own plan, and it involves no science, no math, and a lot of 'common sense'—which, for the record, is not a scientific discipline."

As the nation braces itself for the potential consequences of the Democrats' science-based economic strategy, many are left wondering if this is, in fact, the most logical course of action to prevent a dystopian future, or if it's just another example of politicians trying to solve complex problems with oversimplified solutions. Only time, or perhaps a prophetic oracle, will tell.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.