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In a series of leaked documents obtained by our investigative team, it has been revealed that the mobile gaming industry is not only influencing economic policy but is also secretly drafting amendments to the U.S. Constitution. The mastermind behind this audacious plan is none other than the enigmatic Sen. Thumbstick, a seasoned lawmaker with an uncanny affinity for in-app purchases and high scores.

The documents detail a clandestine meeting between Sen. Thumbstick and top executives from the likes of Candy Crush Saga, Angry Birds, and Fortnite. The agenda? To integrate the principles of currency collection, in-game rewards, and level progression into the nation's financial and legal frameworks.

One proposed constitutional amendment, titled the "In-App Purchase Bill of Rights," would guarantee every American citizen the right to make at least five unnecessary purchases per day, ensuring a steady stream of revenue to keep the mobile gaming economy afloat. Another amendment, the "Endless Loop Amendment," would mandate that all economic policies be as addictive and endlessly repeating as the games themselves, with the goal of perpetual economic growth.

Sen. Thumbstick's legislative aides, who were reportedly all under the age of 18, have been seen making legislative proposals that bear a striking resemblance to the power-ups and cheat codes found in popular mobile games. For example, the "Lives Three-Pack" amendment would allow individuals to receive three additional attempts at life, should they find themselves in a precarious financial situation, much like the lives feature in Angry Birds.

The gaming industry's influence extends to the Senate floor, where debates have taken on a surprisingly gamified nature. Senators are now often seen wearing virtual reality headsets, casting votes based on the whims of a digital fortune teller, while the Senate chamber has been transformed into a massive, interactive game environment complete with obstacle courses and boss battles.

In a statement to our reporters, Sen. Thumbstick defended the initiatives, claiming, "The future of our economy is in the hands of those who understand the art of the deal, the thrill of the high score, and the undeniable allure of a well-placed power-up."

As the nation grapples with these revelations, many are left wondering if the next update to our economic and legal systems will come with its own set of unlockable features and hidden challenges. One thing is certain: the mobile gaming industry is no longer content with just keeping us entertained—they're now on a quest to govern us as well.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.