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In a shocking turn of events that has left political analysts and the public alike reeling with disbelief, the Republican-led House of Representatives has declared a full-scale war on their own leader, President Narcissus Goldenhair, after a highly classified and top-secret meeting revealed a daring plot to impeach the incumbent.

Sources close to the situation, who have requested to remain anonymous for fear of being teleported to a deserted island and forced to live on a diet of nothing but kale and vegan smoothies, have leaked that the plot was hatched after President Goldenhair was caught in a clandestine operation attempting to replace the White House's gold-plated doorknobs with even more ostentatious ones, rumored to be encrusted with rare diamonds from the depths of Mars.

The revelation of this political gamesmanship has sent shockwaves through the Capitol, with members of the House of Representatives donning battle gear and brandishing shields emblazoned with the words "Constitutional Integrity" and "Checks and Balances" as they prepared for the impeachment battle. The air was thick with tension as lawmakers took turns hurling historical facts and legal citations at each other like medieval javelins.

In an unprecedented move, the House has called upon the legendary strategist, Sir Charles Tactful, to guide them through the treacherous waters of this internal conflict. Sir Charles, known for his victories in the Battle of the Budget and the Siege of the Social Programs, is said to possess a secret weapon: a 100-page document detailing every political scandal and gaffes committed by members of both parties since the inception of the Republic.

As the impeachment war rages on, President Goldenhair remains defiant, rallying his supporters with fiery speeches and promises of golden statues in his likeness to be erected in every major city. Meanwhile, the Democratic senators, led by the enigmatic General Pelosi, are strategically positioning themselves for the inevitable showdown, ready to play their ace in the hole: a wildcard bill that could potentially end the war before it even begins.

The nation watches with bated breath as this political drama unfolds, with pundits and citizens alike questioning the sanity of a party that would turn against its own leader in such a spectacle. But in the world of politics, where reality is often indistinguishable from a satirical comedy sketch, only time will tell who will emerge victorious from this comedic coup d'état.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.