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In a sensational turn of events that has sent shockwaves through the hallowed halls of the Capitol, it has been revealed that a sitting Supreme Court Justice, Justice Clarence "Cleverhand" Thomas, has been engaged in a covert affair with a high-profile lobster, Madam Lavinia "Lobby-Paws" Krugendorf, whose claws have reportedly reached into the deepest pockets of both Republican and Democratic Party donors.

The scandal, which erupted like a political volcano late Thursday evening, has ignited a firestorm of controversy, with both sides of the aisle accusing each other of ignoring the elephant in the room—or should we say, the lobster on the bench? The revelation came to light when a series of leaked love letters, penned by Justice Thomas and intercepted by the National Security Agency (NSA), hinted at a romantic entanglement that could potentially undermine the sacred institution of the Supreme Court.

In a breathtaking display of bipartisan unity, the House of Representatives, led by the honorable Speaker Marge "Bipartisan" Smith, has called for an emergency session to address the "constitutional conundrum." Meanwhile, Senator Bob "The Hammer" Cranston, a legal scholar with a penchant for grandstanding, has proposed a constitutional amendment to ensure that no sea creature, no matter how persuasive, can ever again sway the decisions of our nation's highest judicial body.

The irony was not lost on the American public as both parties, historically divided on issues of governance, found common ground in their outrage over the potential conflict of interest. Democrats, who have long accused the Supreme Court of being in the pocket of wealthy industrialists, were quick to point out the hypocrisy of their Republican counterparts, who have traditionally championed the independence of the judiciary. Conversely, Republicans, who have often dismissed accusations of corruption as mere political posturing, were now the ones calling for transparency and accountability.

As the nation awaits the outcome of this unprecedented constitutional crisis, the Supreme Court remains in session, presided over by Chief Justice "Longfellow" John Roberts, who, despite the swirling chaos, insists that the court's work will continue unabated. In a move that can only be described as a masterclass in irony, Justice Roberts has taken the extraordinary step of recusing himself from any cases involving lobster rights or maritime law, citing a "personal interest" in the culinary delights of the sea.

The full extent of the scandal remains to be seen, but one thing is clear: the political landscape, much like the romantic entanglements of our nation's judges, is more complicated and murky than anyone could have anticipated. As the lobster lobby and the constitutional conservatives square off in a battle that promises to redefine the boundaries of justice, the American people can only sit back and savor the spectacle, with a side of political satire.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.