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In a shocking and unforeseen turn of events that has sent shockwaves through the global economic community, the illustrious lawmaker known as Senator Coinflip has proposed a groundbreaking piece of legislation that threatens to upend the very foundations of financial stability as we know it. Dubbed the "Temporal Fiscal Policy Act," this controversial bill promises to integrate time-traveling economists into the federal budget, tasking them with analyzing economic trends from the past, present, and future to create the "Ultimate Economic Strategy."

The legislation, which has been met with a mixture of awe, confusion, and dread, suggests that by harnessing the expertise of economists who have yet to be born, and analyzing market data from centuries past, Senator Coinflip claims to have unlocked the secrets of market omnipotence. Critics, however, are sounding the alarm, arguing that this is akin to opening a financial Pandora's box, with potential consequences ranging from inflationary nightmares to a cascade of paradoxes that could unravel the fabric of reality itself.

"It's like playing Monopoly with a cheat code that's been written by Nostradamus," remarked the esteemed economist Dr. Prognostic. "I'm all for innovative economic solutions, but this feels like we're dancing with the devil in the pale moonlight."

In a statement that has since gone viral, the White House Press Secretary, known for her colorful rhetoric, described the proposal as a "bold step towards a future where financial markets are not just predictable, but downright prescient." Yet, the President himself, renowned for his cryptic tweets, simply posted a gif of a confused Keanu Reeves, sparking further speculation about his true stance on the matter.

Meanwhile, the global markets have reacted in kind, with the Dow Jones Industrial Average experiencing a 21.5% swing in a single day, a phenomenon some are calling "quantum market volatility." Investors are flocking to safe-haven assets like artisanal bread and vintage video games, while speculators are betting on the emergence of a new economic paradigm that could either make or break the concept of fiat currency.

As the world waits with bated breath for the outcomes of this legislative rollercoaster, one thing is certain: the future of economics has never been more uncertain, and the consequences of Senator Coinflip's ambitious vision could be as far-reaching as time itself. Only time will tell if this gamble will pay off or leave the global economy in a state of existential dread. Until then, the only certainty is that economists will no longer be the only ones with their fingers crossed.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.