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In a shocking turn of events that has left political pundits and average citizens alike in a state of stupefied disbelief, it has been exclusively revealed that a clandestine amendment was quietly slipped into the Constitution last night under the cover of a nationwide blackout, allegedly caused by a "solar event."

The amendment, which has yet to be officially acknowledged by the government, purportedly grants President Supernova the power to declare war without Congressional approval, should the situation arise that the United States is under attack by "extraterrestrial beings or otherworldly phenomena." Furthermore, the President is granted emergency powers to "reallocate resources and mobilize the National Guard to build interdimensional portal defense systems."

According to whistleblower "Patriotic Pen," who provided documents to our intrepid investigative team under the pseudonym "Nighthawk," the amendment was passed by a "covert session of the Continental Congress, held in a secret location beneath the Capitol, protected by a dome of telepathic squirrels." The source claims that the session was attended by "selected representatives from each state, teleported to the location by a mysterious figure known only as 'The Constitution's Custodian.'"

The White House has released a statement, asserting that no such amendment exists and that the nation experienced a "routine solar event" which temporarily disrupted power grids across the country. Spokesperson "Press-On Button" assured the public that "there are no changes to the powers of the Presidency as outlined in the Constitution, and the safety and security of the American people remain the Administration's top priority."

Meanwhile, political analysts are scratching their heads in confusion, with some suggesting that the amendment could be a "false flag operation" designed to distract the public from more pressing issues, such as the impending "quokka invasion" or the "suspiciously consistent" weather patterns plaguing the nation.

In a statement that could only be described as Orwellian, Senator "Fiscal Cliff" stated, "If there is an amendment, it is a test of our national resolve and a measure to ensure that the United States remains a beacon of hope in the face of potential interdimensional threats. We must be prepared to defend our reality."

As the nation grapples with the implications of this revelation, many are left wondering if this is, in fact, a brilliant satirical piece designed to highlight the absurdity of political machinations. One thing is clear: the face of American politics, as we know it, could be forever altered—should we find ourselves on the wrong side of an interdimensional portal. God save the Constitution.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.