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In a stunning turn of events that has left the nation both bewildered and outraged, Congress has unveiled a radical new tax proposal targeting the mobile gaming industry. This comes amidst the already tumultuous impeachment proceedings against President MagaTroll, who is accused of waging a virtual war on the nation's youth through addictive games like "Freetime Fiasco" and "Candy Capitalists."

The proposal, drafted by a bipartisan committee led by the illustrious Congressmembers PocketLint (R-GamerGate) and SwipeRight (D-ThumbStick), suggests a hefty 25% excise tax on in-game purchases, citing the "moral imperative" to curb the excessive spending on digital candy and in-game currency. The bill, humorously titled the "Honest Taxation for Idle Hands Act," claims that the funds raised will be used to compensate for the lost productivity of players hooked on virtual battles and sugary escapades.

Critics, including a coalition of prominent game developers, have condemned the move as a blatant attempt to "punish creativity and innovation." The developers argue that the tax would disproportionately affect small studios, who rely on microtransactions for their revenue, and would ultimately stifle competition and the freedom of choice in the marketplace.

Meanwhile, the President has responded to the impeachment drama by deploying a squad of professional gamers, known as the "Joystick Jury," to challenge the committee's findings. The Jury, clad in gaming paraphernalia, has taken up residence in the Capitol, broadcasting their gameplay live to the public, in a bid to demonstrate the intellectual and strategic prowess required to master titles like "Tap Tyrant" and "Battle of the Bills."

As the nation watches in anticipation, the drama unfolding on Capitol Hill promises to be as gripping as the most intense in-game battles, with the future of mobile gaming and the political landscape hanging in the balance. Only time will tell if this gamer's gambit will be a triumphant victory or a monumental blunder in the annals of American history.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.