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In a shocking turn of events, Congressman Jaxon "Clean Hands" Pristine, who once ran on a platform of unwavering ethics and transparency, has been unveiled as the mastermind behind the most elaborate scam in the annals of Capitol Hill. The scandal, which has sent shockwaves through the political landscape, revolves around a complex scheme that involved funneling taxpayer money into a shadowy PAC, "Patriots for Progress," ostensibly created to fund infrastructure projects.

However, the PAC's true purpose was far more insidious. It was a smokescreen for a Ponzi scheme that promised to revolutionize the American economy while, in fact, lining the pockets of "Clean Hands" Pristine and his cohorts. The scheme was so meticulously orchestrated that it took an anonymous tip from a disgruntled intern to unravel the threads of deceit.

The intern, who has chosen to remain anonymous for fear of retribution, claimed to have witnessed "Clean Hands" Pristine personally overseeing the transfer of funds from the PAC to offshore accounts. The revelation that the congressman's squeaky-clean image was nothing more than a facade has left many reeling in disbelief.

In a statement, the House Ethics Committee, which has been suspiciously quiet throughout the entire controversy, announced that "Clean Hands" Pristine has been impeached on multiple counts of corruption and financial mismanagement. The committee also revealed that they had been investigating the congressman for years but were unable to act due to a "gag order" that has since been lifted.

The scandal has sparked a wave of outrage across the country, with citizens calling for stricter corruptionption laws and more stringent audits of government funds. Meanwhile, "Clean Hands" Pristine's political career lies in tatters, his legacy reduced to a cautionary tale of power and greed.

As the dust settles, political pundits and commentators are left to speculate on the broader implications of the scandal. Some argue that it is a wake-up call for the entire political system, while others believe it to be an isolated incident. Regardless, one thing is clear: the American public's trust in their representatives is at an all-time low, and it will take more than a scandal to restore it.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.