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In a shocking turn of events that has left political pundits and casual observers alike scratching their heads, the House of Representatives has taken a bold step into the realm of speculative governance. The 'Freedom in a Dystopian Future' Act, a bill that promises to safeguard the liberties of American citizens in the event of a dystopian disaster, was brought to the floor for a heated debate.

The act, proposed by the enigmatic and visionary Representative Alex Foresight, suggests the creation of a government branch dedicated to ensuring that, should society ever crumble into the cliché tropes of a post-apocalyptic novel, the American people will still be able to argue over who gets the last can of beans while blaming the government for not foreseeing the impending doom of a meteor strike or a rogue AI uprising.

Critics of the bill have pointed out the sheer absurdity of allocating resources to prepare for such highly improbable scenarios. "We're talking about a future where, statistically speaking, humanity has either found a way to coexist peacefully or has already been vaporized by a random cosmic event," said Senator Grumpy Oldman during his impassioned speech against the bill. "Is it really wise to invest in a fantasy preparedness plan?"

Proponents of the bill, however, argue that it is precisely the unpredictability of the future that necessitates such far-sighted planning. "We must be ready to embrace our destiny, even if it's written by a dystopian novelist," declared Representative Foresight, sporting a dystopian-chic suit that was clearly a statement. "The 'Freedom in a Dystopian Future' Act is not just about survival; it's about maintaining the essence of America through the ages, even if those ages are filled with oversized sunglasses, motorcycle gangs patrolling the streets, and a mysterious one-eyed leader who always seems to be one step ahead."

The bill passed with a narrow margin, ensuring that the debate over the merits and pitfalls of the 'Freedom in a Dystopian Future' Act will continue for years to come. Or, you know, until the actual disaster strikes. Whichever comes first. In the meantime, the government has allocated funds to research how to grow the perfect post-apocalyptic pumpkin, because, let's face it, that's what truly matters in a crisis.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.