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In a stunning turn of events that has left economists and political pundits alike scratching their heads, a group of eccentric historians and rogue economists have banded together to advocate for the reintroduction of a long-forgotten economic theory from the 1800s. This theory, known as "Mutual Economic Destruction" or MED, posits that the most effective way to achieve bipartisan cooperation is to drive both political parties into such an economic quagmire that they have no choice but to join hands and dance in the mud of fiscal desperation.

The group, calling themselves the "Economic Dystopia Society" (EDS), claims that by carefully orchestrating a series of economic disasters, they can force the hands of both the Republicans and the Democrats to work together, or perish separately. The EDS has been seen canvassing the halls of Congress, whispering sweet nothings of economic collapse into the ears of unsuspecting lawmakers, who are reportedly both intrigued and terrified by the prospect of a shared economic downfall.

"It's like a marriage counselor approach to politics," says Dr. Harriet Tubman-Smith, a historian with the EDS. "You wait until your partners are so fed up with each other that they realize the only way to survive is to make it work. And what better way to push them to the brink than through a series of carefully calibrated economic calamities?"

The EDS's plan is as follows: first, they will engineer a stock market crash reminiscent of the 1929 Great Depression, but with a modern twist. Then, they will manipulate interest rates to skyrocket, causing a real estate apocalypse that will make the housing crisis of 2008 look like a minor hiccup. To top it all off, they will initiate a global trade war that will make the Smoot-Hawley Tariff Act look like a friendly exchange of goods.

The end goal? A world where both parties are so deeply entrenched in economic misery that they have no other option than to put aside their differences and work together to rebuild the shattered economy. The EDS argues that this shared catastrophe will force legislators to prioritize the common good over partisan bickering, leading to unprecedented levels of bipartisan cooperation.

While some critics have dismissed the EDS's plan as a lunatic fringe scheme, others have begun to see the merit in the madness. After all, if history has taught us anything, it's that sometimes, the only way to move forward is to first take a giant leap backward. And if that leap happens to be into the arms of your political adversary, well, isn't that just the sweetest form of irony?

As the world watches with bated breath, the EDS continues to push their agenda, undeterred by the naysayers and the doomsayers alike. The question on everyone's lips is no longer "Can it work?" but "Will it work in time to save us from ourselves?" Only time will tell if the EDS's audacious plan will be the catalyst for a new era of bipartisan harmony or if it will simply be the final nail in the coffin of the global economy.

In the meantime, investors are advised to diversify their portfolios, economists are encouraged to stock up on stress balls, and politicians are urged to brace themselves for a rollercoaster ride like no other. Buckle up, folks. It's going to be a bumpy year.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.