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In a shocking turn of events, the Supreme Court has officially declared that the scientific method is no longer a mere academic tool, but a fundamental right enshrined in the Constitution. This landmark decision, which has sent shockwaves through the political spectrum, mandates that all government decisions must be based on empirical evidence and peer-reviewed research.

The ruling, delivered by the illustrious Chief Justice Melvin Scribbles, states, "From this day forth, the foundation of our nation's policies shall not be the whims of partisan politics or the fleeting desires of the masses, but the unwavering pillars of scientific integrity."

In response to this seismic shift, the House of Representatives has promptly convened an emergency session to discuss the implications of this ruling on their annual Flat-Earth Conference. "We are not deterred by this judicial overreach," proclaimed Representative Ovaltine Round, a staunch advocate for alternative geographical theories. "Our constituents believe in the roundness of the Earth, and by golly, we will represent them!"

Meanwhile, the economy has taken a tumble, as Wall Street grapples with the new requirement that all investment strategies be backed by double-blind, placebo-controlled studies. Financial gurus are scrambling to find solid evidence that their investment advice is not just a roll of the dice, leading to a surge in the demand for lab coats and scientific journals.

In a bid to maintain the status quo, a group of rogue senators has launched a covert operation to infiltrate scientific institutions and skew research in their favor. Led by the enigmatic Senator Rinse Aid, this clandestine team of 'alternative fact-finders' is on a mission to ensure that the Court's ruling does not disrupt the delicate balance of political power.

As the nation braces for the fallout from this unprecedented Supreme Court decision, one thing is clear: the days of basing policy on unsubstantiated claims and hearsay are over. America is now on a journey towards a future where decisions are made not by the loudest voice, but by the most rigorous data.

Stay tuned as this story unfolds, with more on how the Court's ruling on science could potentially upend economics, ignite political games, and lead to the greatest reality check in history.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.