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Washington D.C. - In a shocking turn of events, a highly placed source within the Democratic party has revealed that the party is secretly planning to declare war on America's history. The source, who wishes to remain anonymous, claims that the party's leadership has been secretly meeting in a secret underground bunker deep beneath the White House to discuss their plans.

According to the source, the Democrats are determined to erase America's history and rewrite it to fit their radical ideology. "They believe that America's past is riddled with offensive and oppressive ideas, and they are determined to eliminate them," the source claimed.

When asked to provide evidence of the Democrats' plans, the source pulled out a top-secret document labeled "Operation: Memory Hole." The document, which was allegedly written by the party's leader, revealed the Democrats' plans to create a new history curriculum that would be taught in every school in the country.

"The new curriculum will be designed to brainwash students into believing that America has always been a socialist utopia," the source claimed. "They will be taught that the Founding Fathers were actually a group of far-left activists who wanted to create a government that would provide for the common good. And they will be taught that the Constitution was a radical document that was way ahead of its time."

When asked to comment on the Democrats' plans, President Joe Biden refused to answer, mumbling something about "not wanting to get into political satire." However, sources close to the President have revealed that he is secretly thrilled at the prospect of erasing America's history.

Meanwhile, Republicans are reportedly outraged at the Democrats' plans, calling them a "dystopian nightmare." However, sources within the party have revealed that they are secretly planning to declare war on the concept of "outrage."

As the country prepares for the impending war on history, one thing is clear: things are about to get wild. Stay tuned for more updates on this breaking story.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.