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In a shocking turn of events that has sent shockwaves through the hallowed halls of Capitol Hill and the marble-clad chambers of the Supreme Court, a landmark ruling has just been handed down. In a 5-4 decision that has divided the nation, the court has declared that the Constitution now includes an "Economic Clause," granting every American citizen the "right to prosper" and ensuring that every citizen has the opportunity to "make a buck."

Chief Justice John Riffle, donning his ceremonial wig and robes, declared from the bench that "the pursuit of happiness, as clearly stated in the Declaration of Independence, has now been interpreted to mean the pursuit of a stable income, a corner office, and a company-sponsored yacht." The decision was met with jubilation from the peanut gallery, as common folk and corporate executives alike cheered the newfound entitlement to wealth.

Senator Wealthy Pocket, a key figure in the lobbying efforts that led to this historic moment, basked in the limelight, stating, "This is a victory for the American dream! From sea to shining sea, every citizen now has the legal right to be as rich as they dare to dream!" His opponent, Senator Frugal Change, could only muster a meek response, acknowledging that the ruling was "a bold step forward for our nation, although it may require a few adjustments to the socioeconomic fabric we've come to know."

Historians are divided on the implications of this decision. Some argue that this will go down in history as the day America officially became a "trickle-down utopia," while others see it as a necessary evolution in constitutional law to reflect the changing times. Economists predict a sudden surge in the stock market, a booming real estate industry, and a sharp increase in the number of infomercials featuring late-night "as seen on TV" deals.

As the dust settles and the ink on the ruling dries, the question on everyone's mind remains: Will this new Economic Clause be the panacea for economic woes, or will it lead to a satirical dystopia where the quest for personal fortune overshadows the very principles of democracy it's meant to protect? Only time will tell, but one thing is for certain: in the land of the free and the home of the brave, the pursuit of happiness has taken on a whole new meaning.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.