Impeached 2 is an armchair politician's dream. Play today!

In a stunning turn of events that would make even the most seasoned political observers' heads spin faster than a carousel at a state fair, sources close to the United States Senate have revealed an elaborate scheme of electoral corruption so audacious that it makes Watergate look like a schoolyard prank.

According to our impeccable sources, who have requested anonymity for fear of being "disappeared" by shadowy figures with ties to both major political parties, the corruption goes far beyond the mere tampering with voting machines that we've all grown accustomed to. No, this is a full-blown, high-octane plot involving a clandestine organization known as "The Bipartisan Enigma."

The Bipartisan Enigma, as it turns out, is a secret society of political operatives who have sworn an oath to ensure that the will of the people is never actually heard. Instead, they have devised a complex system of illusions and misdirection, using holographic candidates and deepfake technology to confuse and manipulate voters into electing the candidates of their choosing.

But that's not all. Our sources have uncovered evidence that The Bipartisan Enigma has been using a little-known government program, ostensibly designed to improve voter turnout, to actually suppress it. By strategically distributing early voting locations to the most remote and voter-averse areas, they have ensured that only the most dedicated voters would brave the elements to cast their ballots.

Moreover, the plot thickens when we delve into the financial aspect of this electoral charade. It appears that The Bipartisan Enigma has been funneling campaign donations through a series of shell companies and offshore bank accounts, making it nearly impossible to trace the true source of the funding. This, of course, allows them to spend ungodly sums of money on campaigns, all while maintaining the facade of transparency and fiscal responsibility.

As if this weren't enough, the group has also been accused of using a fleet of mind-controlled pigeons to deliver last-minute campaign messages to key demographic groups, swaying undecided voters with their cooing and pigeon-specific social media influencer tactics.

In response to these shocking allegations, the United States government has announced a full investigation, led by a bipartisan committee that, coincidentally, includes several members rumored to be part of The Bipartisan Enigma. Rest assured, the public will be kept informed of any developments, as long as those developments don't involve any of the aforementioned parties being held accountable.

In the meantime, citizens are advised to remain skeptical of any political advertisements featuring talking animals, especially squirrels wearing tiny suits and promising to fix infrastructure. It's probably just another one of The Bipartisan Enigma's mind-bending illusions, designed to distract us from the real issues at hand.

Stay tuned as this story develops, or don't, because let's face it, by then we'll all be too busy figuring out which of our elected officials is a mind-controlled pigeon to pay any attention to the news.

Can't get enough of politics? Play Impeached 2 and become President of the U.S. today!

This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.