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In a shocking display of political theater, Futurist Candidate Alex "Timesplitter" Zorro has ignited a firestorm of debate with their latest campaign promise: to sell America's entire stock of freedom to a discreet, off-world corporate entity, known only as "Galactic Liberty Inc."

The announcement, made from atop a 100-foot-tall robotic replica of the Statue of Liberty, complete with an LED halo, sent shockwaves through the political landscape. Zorro, clad in a shimmering suit of holographic armor, declared that the American people had grown complacent with their liberty, and it was time to innovate.

"Ladies and gentlemen of Earth," Zorro bellowed, "are we truly utilizing our freedom to its fullest potential? Or has it become a dusty relic, collecting cobwebs while systemic corruption eats away at our institutions?" The crowd, a mix of bemused tech enthusiasts and confused bystanders, murmured uneasily.

The campaign's cornerstone proposal, "Liberty 2.0," promises to upgrade humanity's freedom with cutting-edge, non-human-resource-based governance algorithms. "Imagine a society free from bias, where every decision is made by the most advanced AI the galaxy has to offer," Zorro's holographic aide, Max "The Calculator" Quantum, chimed in.

Critics, however, are having none of it. The American Civil Liberties Union, along with a coalition of shadowy freedom-fighting organizations, has condemned the plan as an affront to human dignity and an unacceptable surrender of sovereignty to interstellar interests.

"Freedom is not a commodity to be bought and sold like a bag of Space Lettuce or a batch of Synthetic Sunsets," spat Liberty Defender Margo "The Ironclad" MacGyver, as she brandished a homemade liberty-themed rocket launcher. "This is a battle for the soul of humanity!"

Meanwhile, Galactic Liberty Inc., known for their previous endeavors in cosmic slavery reform and interdimensional vending machine etiquette, has remained eerily silent on the matter. Their representatives, when approached for comment, merely vanished into thin air, leaving behind only the faint scent of antimatter and the faintest whisper of intergalactic intrigue.

As the nation grapples with the implications of this bold new vision for freedom, one thing is clear: the future is never what it used to be. And in this particular case, it may very well come with a warranty, terms and conditions apply.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.