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In a stunning turn of events, the Joint Economic Committee has unveiled a groundbreaking report during the latest round of impeachment hearings, revealing that the government has been secretly orchestrating the country's economic collapse for years. The report, titled "The Art of Splendid Economic Haymaking: How the Government Sows the Wind and Reaps the Whirlwind," was authored by a coalition of economists who have miraculously remained under the radar despite their heretical findings.

According to the report, the government's strategy, codenamed "Operation Economic Mayhem," was initiated under the administration of President Greedwell Pocketlint in 2015. The goal was to dismantle the financial system by systematically undermining consumer confidence, thus creating a fertile ground for the rise of a new economic order. The plan was to be executed with a blend of deregulation, misinformation campaigns, and strategic financial support to key industries that would inevitably collapse, creating a domino effect that would topple the entire economic system.

The report claims that the government used a little-known economic theory called "Controlled Chaos Economics," which posits that a controlled economic downturn every few decades is necessary to reset the system and redistribute wealth. "It's like a financial reset button," explains Dr. Cryptoeconomist, a pseudonymous economist who leaked the document to the committee. "You smash everything up, wait for the dust to settle, and then voilà, a new financial order emerges, typically with the government in a position to rewrite the rules of the game."

The impeachment hearings took an even more bizarre turn when Senator Wealthypocket, a staunch advocate for the status quo, accidentally revealed that she had invested heavily in a 'mystery' sector right before its predictable implosion. "It was a sound investment based on my personal economic models," she stated, winking at the camera, "models that, coincidentally, align with the government's strategy for a controlled economic downturn. I mean, who wouldn't want to prepare for the future?"

In response to the allegations, President Fairdeal, whose administration is currently facing the impeachment inquiry, released a statement claiming that the government's involvement in the economic collapse was merely a "hypothetical scenario" presented by a group of "economic pranksters." He assured the public that the government was committed to stabilizing the economy and that the report was nothing more than a "baseless conspiracy theory."

Meanwhile, on the streets, citizens were found debating whether this was the grandest government prank of all time or the ultimate chess move to reshape the nation's economy. One thing was clear: the public's trust in their leaders had reached an all-time low, and the meme stock market was booming.

As the impeachment hearings continue, economists, politicians, and the general public are left to ponder the true intentions behind "Operation Economic Mayhem." Is this a dystopian plot or a masterful plan to usher in a new economic era? Only time will tell, but one thing is certain: the next few years will be nothing short of economically enthralling, or, as some would say, 'the end of an era.'

In a final act of irony, the committee's report was leaked to the public on a day when the stock market hit an all-time high, leaving investors scratching their heads and wondering if today was the day to cash in or double down.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.